between then and now

Today is the night before Nikolaus-day. When I was young, I would clean the biggest shoe I had and put it outside our flat. I knew that the next morning something would be in that boot. I knew that my mother would make sure, with all care and love, that I would be happy the moment I would dig into that boot and bring out the stuff she had put in overnight.

Today, I was finishing a bathroom remodeling project for my friends. I was in my thoughts about those years. I thought I had many wishes, mostly small once, but they would always come true.

Today, I had a rough day. I felt like nothing comes true I wish for, no matter how hard I try. I also learned that I do not trust anybody, except for one person. And that,  this is the reason my wishes come not true.

I was wondering what has changed - me or the times.

Just as I was surrounded by this thought, my friend Carmen came to me and started to talk with me.

We talked a while and finally I saw that they had bought me something and a  card. It was at my desk in their house.

Serendipity? I do not know. Today we also got our fridge after a week of no fridge in a household of 9 people. Between soccer, music lessons, shopping, and driving of some of the kids, they got me this cutting board, the biggest available, and cutting knifes - an early xmas gift, for me to continue what I had started- maybe to find back into a life with a home and job. There it was at my desk. A card saying piece, hope and love for Utele, from the crazy Hähnchen. I am puzzeled in what to do.

Today, I also thought of quitting all that, since I feel I lost my recently gained "home-base".

I am not sure what to do.I am not sure what is right.

If I could put a boot ouside for tomorrow morning, I would know that I would not get what I wish for.

But not having put out a boot at all, I got what I wished for days ago. I should be happy with what I have.

I am thankful for the love I feel in this house...to trust is what I need.